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I'd like to then move on to think about
non-violent communication and some of you

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may have heard about non-violent
communication, but this is another

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tool that we have looked at in the
briefing. Lots more detail on that with a

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couple of examples of how that might be
used, but I'm really interested in

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non-violent communication. I think that
some of you may have heard of it as

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compassionate communication and it's used
in many ways from individuals right

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through to United Nations use non-violent
communication in really, kind of, tense,

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you know, politically emotive situations
that occur. And

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so just to give you a little bit of an
understanding of non-violent communication

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for those of you who haven't heard about
this, it's split into four areas. So, we

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have observations, feelings, needs and
requests.

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And, again, it can feel quite contrived
when you first look at non-violent

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communication and if you have a go of-, at
it, it's not actually as easy as you think

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it is

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and, like I say, it can feel a bit stilted
when you're-, when you're trying to get

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into that, but once people sign up to
working in a non-violent communication

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way, you can actually start to develop
skills. It highlights when you perhaps are

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not engaging with this, kind of,
compassionate communication, which is more

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in line with a conversation. Okay. So, if
we start with an observation. This is

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where we describe what you see or hear as,
as specifically and neutrally as possible.

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So, it's important here that we separate
judgements, evaluations and

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interpretations from the description of
what's happened. And it might sound

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simple, but it's actually quite difficult,
but separating them will increase the

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chances of people hearing that without the
criticism. So, Rosenberg, who, who

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brought-,

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who, who talks about non-violent
communication, describes some seemingly

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innocent words that we might use, such as
never, always, frequently or seldom, that

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lead to mixing our observations with
evaluations, which are likely to raise

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those more defensive reactions. So, we
think about that in terms of the people

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that we work with, we can think about how
often we use some of those words, which

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are then triggering an emotional response
in that individual and then we're, kind

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of-, we're ruling out any chance of a
conversation taking place. So, I just want

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to give you an example of this. So, for
the, the four, I'm going to give you an

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example of using Tyler, who is a social
worker, who is trying to get some good

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supervision and is really struggling with
it. So, if we look at the observation for

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Tyler, the observation in supervision is
the, the violent communication, although

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that doesn't, kind of, sound right, but,
anyway, the, the, the-, not the

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non-violent one, is, 'You always cancel my
supervision session, either an hour before

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they start or they are cut short because
somebody more important wants to speak

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with you.' So, you can start to see there
where the observation and evaluation of

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what the supervisor is doing is probably
not going to work in terms of keeping the

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supervisor onside. So, the non-violent
communication would be, 'In the last three

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months, I've had supervision-, I've had
two supervision sessions cancelled and one

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cut short due to you needing to speak to
another colleague,' so actually just

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stating those facts as plainly as
possible.

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So, then, we look at the feelings and the
feelings represent our emotional

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experience and they're associated with our
needs, but it's important to identify, and

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name and connect this with the feeling.
So, again, this can be difficult to do

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when we tend to conflate our feelings with
our interpretations of-, and

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interpretations of what others think. So,
by naming in motions, we help others to

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hear what is important to us. So, for
Tyler, in that situation, the, the violent

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communication, if we can call it that is,
'I feel like I am unimportant in this team

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and that you don't care about my
professional well-being,' whereas the

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non-violent communication would be, 'I
feel anxious about decisions I am making

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in practice.' So, that's really
identifying with those feelings for Tyler.

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And then the needs, the next step is to
be-, to be able to identify what you need

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and your own needs in a situation are very
personal to you and connected to your core

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values, but it's important here that you
share the need you have, rather than the

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strategy that you want somebody else to
complete. And I think that, for me, in

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social care, is, is really key and I'm
going to come back to this in a moment, in

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terms of legislation.

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So, for Tyler in this situation, the
violent communication would be, 'I need

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you to make sure I'm doing things right
and not making decision-, not making wrong

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decisions.' The non-violent communication
would be, 'I need to feel safe and

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confident in my decision-making.' So,
you're not insisting on the strategy at

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that point. And, then, finally, the
request is, in order to meet needs, we can

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make a request, but this, this can be a
specific strategy or an action, but needs

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to connect to how it will meet the need.
So, importantly, in non-violent

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communication, this must be asked in the
spirit of a request and we'll know whether

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it's a request or a demand by the response
if the request is denied. So, that's

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probably the best test of that. So, a
violent request would be, 'Can you make

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sure you don't cancel any more supervision
sessions and focus on me for the entire

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hour?' whereas a non-violent communication
would be, 'Please can we try to organise a

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better slot where you have the time and
space for my supervision session?'

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So, I-, like I say, it can feel a bit
contrived, but, actually, having that,

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kind of, method in those high-emotional,
kind of, points in a-, in a conversation

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can help the practitioner to guide that.
And, also, this is used and would-, and

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it's in more detail in the briefing of
using this when working alongside people

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to support them to identify their feelings
and needs and then to work through to a

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request. So, in the context of social
care, however, power can interrupt

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requests and demands in non-violent
communication and it's important that we

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recognise these dynamics and honest is-,
honesty is required to acknowledge aspects

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of the work that cannot always meet
individuals' identified needs or requests,

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so where we can't work in this way.
However, in situations even where

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legislation is being imposed upon
individuals, it is possible to separate

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aspects of the work where we can respond
to requests and avoid placing demands on

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